I.T Support.

[GRACELAND1216]

Dear I.T Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a

distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower

and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as

Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable

programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried

running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate ------------------

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while

Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Try entering the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2,

which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as

designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications

Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to

default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.

CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a

supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory

and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying

additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally would

recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

IT Support ------------------

Dear I.T Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I

had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently

conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and

run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other

applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a

virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same

time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they

caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fianc�e 1.0, only to discover that this product

soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up

all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and

Cleanhouse2005.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very

unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in

Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted.

They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can,

without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products

have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring

ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be

reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi

TT Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which

can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be

problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife

1.0detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before

uninstalling itself'.